Saturday, December 31, 2005
So, as I said in my post yesterday Im saying goodbye to those we lost in 2005. I really don't want this to be a sad post. It is after all, New Years Eve but I do need to acknowledge loosing Justin to Colon Cancer at 25 years old, on Sept 16th 2005.
He grew up to be an awesome young man. He loved his family with his whole heart. He was a great big brother a great son, wonderful husband and father. He was the clown of all the kids. He always had a funny story.
We always laugh at the fact that he was such a skinny little knocked kneed kid. His shoulder bones would stick out in back and he could flap them like wings... He pretend like he was a butterfly and run up and down the hall.
Or he and Nick would gather up all the loose change they could find and walk up to the store and buy a half a gallon of ice cream. They'd sit outside and eat it until they were so full they couldn't eat any more. They then took some firecrackers and stuck it in the carton of ice cream and lit them -poof! ice cream all over the place... oh joy! fun times :-) a million fun stories.
He always had one. I cant wait to see him again cause I know he's probably got some good ones saved up to tell me that he didn't want to get in trouble for.
This is Justin and Natalie taken inside the Olive Garden in March 2004.
I used this picture because at this time we didn't know the extent of his cancer. It was when he returned home from this visit that he finally went to the Doctor and all of our lives changed forever.
So tomorrow we're going to start a brand new year, but its going to be a year without you in it Justin. We wont forget you though. You'll live on in your beautiful daughter and in the hearts of your family. I love you and I miss you Justin. Save those stories for me cause I know you've got some good ones and I want to hear them all. You won't get in trouble, I promise :-)
Happy New Year!
Friday, December 30, 2005
I’ve devoted many blog entries this past year to Justin. As a matter of fact, Justin was the sole reason I started blogging, I used it as a way to get my feelings down. I’ll talk more about Justin in my entry tomorrow.
But todays entry is dedicated to another loss we had in 2005, my buddy Murphy.
Murphy was my parents yellow lab. He was born on the 4th of July 13 years ago. Murphy had horrible arthritis in his legs and hips cause from countless hours charging down the stairs on my parents back deck as we tossed the tennis ball into the yard for him. His last years were so painful but Dad could not bear to put him down. As a last resort the vet tried to do surgery to help with the pain but it didn’t work. He couldn’t walk at all for his last few days. They finally allowed the vet to put him to sleep.
For Christmas this year I made a scrapbook of family pictures for my parents. The final page of the album was dedicated to Murphy.
So this ones for you Murphy...I hope your chasing that tennis ball up there somewhere!
Saturday, December 24, 2005
This month has blown by me, the entire month is a blurr.
Next year, Im going to slow down enough to enjoy it. Im making that my new years resolution already!!!
Today is the first day Ive been able to sit and just soak in the spirit of Christmas. I can finally look around my home, see the result of all my running around and say ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I took this picture of my kitchen and decided my Christmas decorating is staying up in this room. Im soooooo loving the touches of red that I added for the season that I'm keeping them.
I wish you all a blessed Christmas. I wish you peace. I wish you health and happiness.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
No time to blog, but Im still here.
hustle and bustle of christmas shopping, parties and gift making.
Im proud of myself for making many of my gifts this year. I made two complete gift albums for family. On one hand I can hardly wait to give these gifts. Im so excited to see their reaction to them. On the other hand, I love the albums sooooo much I don't want to give them away.
I can hardly stand to part with a card much less a whole album.
It sure makes Christmas more exciting when you love the gifts your giving. I stress so much over each and every one. I returned two gifts I'd bought already because I had second thoughts about them being perfect for the person I was planning on giving them to.
Oh well, soon it will be over and I can relax!
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Several years ago on our first trip to Oahu’ Hawaii, it was more important to me to visit Pearl Harbor than just about anywhere else. I really wanted to go there, to see it, imagine how it looked and felt. Im not sure why I felt so strongly about it. While we were there they were filming the movie with Ben Affleck and Cuba Gooding Jr.
I’ve never been anywhere that touched me so deeply as the memorial of the U.S.S. Arizona. You are told from the beginning that this is a shrine but as soon as you step foot on the memorial it hits you like a ton of bricks, truely.
Just a few things to imagine…there were over 183 Japanese aircraft in the first wave of bombing. An hour later, another 170 aircraft were launched. Can you imagine that many aircraft at in the air at once, then having the second wave hit? Unreal.
This is the final resting place for 1,102 crewmen of the Arizona. Only 75 bodies were recovered, the remainder are entombed with the ship still. As you stand there, looking over the side of the memorial, small bubbles of oil still rise to the surface. There were over 2,300 people killed this day, over 1,000 injured.
The third section of the memorial is the shrine room. The room contains the names of all those killed on the Arizona and their names are engraved on a marble wall.
Nothing strikes you like reading these names. Brothers, fathers, entire families. You can see a list of names here. http://my.execpc.com/~dschaaf/arizdead.html
It was believed that US ships between San Francisco and Oahu’ were also torpedoed. My Great Uncle Herb was on one of those ships. My Dad has told me stories of how they didn’t know if Uncle Herbs ship was hit or not. Apparently they high tailed it back to the states as soon as they heard of the bombing but it was weeks and weeks before my Dads family knew if Herb was safe or not. They were not allowed to contact their families like they do now. Dad said they had to sneak messages into the military base to find out if Herb was safe. My Dad remembers sitting in the car, in the dark outside the military fence waiting for the guard to pass. Then they flashed the headlights and my Uncle came out of hiding. They were only able to speak to him for a few minutes, then he had to go agian. They didn't see him again for many years. I cant imagine the worry of these families. What a horrible time.
So, remember them today. They were all heroes. The soldiers and their families.
Friday, December 02, 2005
this early in the year. Last night we received several inches and we're expecting several more tonight. By Sunday I think its suppose to warm up so this cold spell will hopefully be over for the next several months. A little snow goes a long way with me. Pretty if you can stay at home...not so much if you have to get out and drive in it at 6:00am.
I took a few pics before I left for work this morning. Not the best pictures because it was still very dark outside. By the time I got home from work I could see that several branches had snapped under the weight of the snow :-( On this first picture you can see the branches bent over. Paul will have some cleanup to do with the chainsaw once the snow all melts.
Last weekend I'd strung some christmas lights around the deck and they look so pretty under the snow. It just glows. I think there's nothing more beautiful and more peaceful than looking at Christmas lights in the snow. The snow seems to muffle all sound and it seems so much quieter. Its beautiful and I plan to enjoy it all weekend, then wish it gone :-)
Thursday, December 01, 2005
I thought about this some last night and this afternoon.
Its a tough day to be thinking about what to be thankful for. At work today we had some layoffs. They say they're trying to realign the staff to the business for next years budget. I know why these things happen right before Xmas, but it still sucks.
Some very nice people that I've worked with for many many years lost their jobs today, without warning. People that have worked here for over 15 years. Sr. VP's even...however, Im thankful it was not me. So...
#1 front and center on my thankful list is that it was not me.
That feels kind of crappy to be thinking that way, but thats human nature I guess. Im so very sorry it happened to you, really I am...thank god it wasn't me.
#2 its sort of snowing. Im hoping it holds off a little longer until I drive home, then I hope it just dumps like crazy so I don't have to come in tomorrow. Im thankful that it isn't snowing harder yet.
#3 I returned the dress I bought to go to the christmas party this year, because I decided I want to wear slacks and a blitzed out top instead. Im thankful for this becauuuuse...because I'm happy about making that decision to wear slacks that I already own and I just need to buy a pretty top that I can probably wear again...not another black evening dress that I'll never wear again.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
another week has gone by between posts again! Why cant I keep up?
The past four day weekend was just too busy. I was even able to get a few pages scrapped though so Im a happy girl.
After one layout that took me almost all day, the last two came together in minutes each.
Love this one of Kaylee I took when we were in No Carolina in September, and one of Ethan the same day. Every now and then Ive got to do a really simple one just to feel like Im getting something done.
This one of Ethan I even had the courage to use my own handwritting on. I love the look, just not the look of my writting. So, I'll probably not attempt that again!
Oh, other news, it snowed here today! I heard it was a blizzard...except it only lasted about 10 minutes then it melted. By the time I got home from work there were just a few little patches here and there...I missed it all :-( so sad because I love being all cozy at home when its snowing. I totally dislike driving to work in it at 6:00am though so I hope it stays GONE! This is Seattle after all. It rains here don't ya know!
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Im thankful for my children. When I was elbow-high in dirty dishes and laundry, it was hard to be thankful for the rowdy little creatures that created such a mess - until they grew up and left home and I was only doing dishes for two.
Im also thankful that now Im only doing laundry and dishes for two. As much as I love my children, I also love that they have their own lives and I have mine.
I was blessed to have a mother and father who loved us, took good care of us, took us to church on Sundays, and taught us love, respect, and compassion. Even though we didn’t have a lot of money, we never knew it. When we disagreed, we always knew we were loved and that we would always have each other. I'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful for my family, warts and all. They're not perfect, they're not always completely normal, but they’re all good hearted people that all love our family. What more could you ask for?
I'm thankful for my husband. I'm thankful for his strengths, and also his weaknesses. I'm thankful that he's honest, loyal, responsible, disciplined, and that he's such a great father to our children.
I’m thankful for my home. I love being home more than anything else.
I'm thankful that out of the saddness this past year something good came of it. My husband was able to reconnect with his brothers and Mother after more than 5 years of being out of touch. Im thankful for the mended relationships.
Im thankful for grandchildren. What a blessing they’ve brought to our lives. This love is so different than raising our own children. Maybe its that Im older and appreciate how fast they grow up.
Having the wonderful hobby of scrapbooking in each and every day so I can document all the people and moments of my life that I am thankful for….
And I'm also thankful for all the little things in life, my two dogs, even though they cost me a fortune, having a few magazines request to publish my layouts this year, a brand new car, amazing friendships, both online and localy, re-chargeable batteries, my new washing machine that holds a huge amount of towels or jeans in each load, cookies, the colors all around me. I love color, my thanksgiving cactus that blooms when everything else is done for the season. Life would be bleak indeed without each and every one of these things.
I need to remember to take time to think about the things Im thankful for through out the year instead of once a year. To push me to think about this more often... Thursdays are going to become Thankful Thursdays from here on out...
Thursday, November 17, 2005
One thing that just puzzles me about some of the scents they come up with is why oh why do they make stuff that smells like food? I don't mean like cucumber and mandirin oranges. I love the Heavenly Gingerlily and lime coconut.
But why would anyone want a moisturizing souffle that smells like Apple Torta? Why would you want to smell like Tiramisu? Its not shower gel anymore, its shower syrup...with scents like Buttercream frosting, caramel cappuccino, Hot Chocolate or Ammaretto.
Yes, it smells yummy, for a candle! buy why for a body lotion? How could you apply your perfume over that?
No problem...they've got perfume too...warm vanilla sugar, candy apple, creme Brulee...how about smelling like a lemon Meringe pie?
I can't imagine sitting in a meeting with an aroma of Apple Torta wifting around me.
Starbucks…I could go on and on about their holiday flavors. I love them all and look forward to them every year- can you say eggnog latte? But I recently saw that the Starbucks website has a cute link called The Red Cup. http://www.starbucks.com/retail/holiday.asp or http://www.theredcup.com/ Click on the little Icons down at the botton for some cute ideas. Every Friday you can go to the site, click on the tv icon and the story of the red cup continues. There are some cute ideas inside this site if you've got a little time on your hands.
Holiday catalogs are mailing…whoohooo! Potterybarn, Crate and Barrel, Peir 1 to name some of my favorites. Its like when you were a kid, waiting for the Sears Wishbook to come so you could sit for hours picking out what you want Santa to bring…All three have the most amazing colors that inspire me into the holiday mood. Rich warm tones with lots of shimmer and sparkle.So time to grab yourself an eggnog latte, grab a catalog or two and get into that festive mood.
Sunday, November 13, 2005
and everytime my dog goes outside, he comes in soaking wet!
So today I bought him a little yellow raincoat. Im thinking that it will at least keep him a little drier.
The look of humiliation on his face at dawning this bright yellow slicker cracked me up! It doesn't show in this picture, but it has a little hood too :-)
It looks really funny if I leave his ears tucked inside the hood and draw the hood around his face...hahaha
Today we're on day 3 of making sour dough french bread.
Actually I started the sour dough starter last weekend. It took all weekend. Then into the frig. for a week. This past weekend it was to use the sour dough starter to begin making the dough. Make the dough using some of the starter, let it sit in the frig for 16 hours...let sit at room temp for 8 hours, divide dough, let proof at room temp for 2 hours, bake while spraying with a water bottle....oh my gawwwwwddddddddddd. Its a loaf of bread and it costs $3.00 to buy it already baked which is what I'll be doing in the future! I still love to bake regular bread at home though. Im not giving that up:-)
I love these plants and I have two of them. One is a thanksgiving bloomer, and the other one blooms at christmas. I think they have some that bloom during Easter too, but I love the fall and winter ones.
Pretty huh? :-)
Friday, November 04, 2005
- This year I'm going to get my holiday shopping done early (for me that means by Dec 10th).
- This year Im not going to wait till the last minute and give gift cards just because its easier and everything has sold out.
- This year I will not convince myself that a gift card is really what they want, and by giving a gift card we won't be spending money on stuff they'll never use.
- This year I will create a spending plan and not stretch it so far out of shape.
- This year I will give more homemade personal type gifts.
How will I do this you ask? Its really so easy once you realize....
Make a list! making my list of gifts is the all important step. By doing so I am able to get my shopping done early because I know what I need to buy.
I stay with my budget because its preplanned. I find that when I give gift cards I spend more money. Two reasons, first because I can't shop for bargins and second because obviously the person I'm giving it to will know exactly how much I spent on them. I don't want them to think Im cheap, so I get gift cards with lots of $$$.
By starting early and making that list, I know what I need to get to work making. I've already started on the album for Mom and Dad. I need to finish that this weekend. Finished means everything except for the pictures which I need to take some better ones and I think I can get them on Thanksgiving.
I will need to resist those all important impulse gifts that I run across that are just too perfect to pass up. I must keep in mind that I am not the all important person for making sure that every person has the most wonderful christmas of their lives. I just love to give gifts so this is one of the MOST important steps for me.
I plan to bake this year. My poor husband has suffered with no holiday treats for about 5 years now. Those 5 years I have strictly held to my diet. Being the loving supportive husband that he is, he goes along with it for me. Not this year. I will bake, and I will keep my eating of the said baked goodies to a mininum. We'll see :-) Thats the plan anyway.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Im quite bummed I missed meeting Cathy Z. I was really hoping she was going to teach one of the classes I signed up for, but no... :-(
I did make some really cool little albums this year. It seems like almost every class I took this year was an album class of some sort - tag album, an all about me album, simple accordian album, matchbook album...now I just need to pop in the pictures and I made 4 albums last weekend. whoohooo. Of course picking out the pictures that fit in those tiny little albums will be the problem. I'll post them tonight when I get home (without the pics of course)
So Sunday I spent just catching up on sleep. Thankfully it was daylight savings time so I gained an hour...didn't feel like it to me though.
Today is halloween and Im hoping we get some trick or treaters tonight. I took some pics at work today of some of the goofballs I work with. The funniest one was a guy who dressed up as the Office Max guy and had a boom box playing the rubber band man song while he danced through all the departments passing out pencils...so funny!
Hope everyone has a spooky halloween!
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
On Saturday evening my nephew Conor came to hang out for the evening with Paul and I. His parents were going to some kind of dinner with Scotts new company.
I think its so cool that he thinks we're fun enough to spend the evening with. Usually 13 year olds would want to stay at home or go visit with friends. Hes such a great kid.
We watched the new Batman movie and ordered some Pizza. Paul bought some Mike & Ikes for them to share. Cant watch a movie with out them :-)
He and Paul have been buddies forever. They have a special relationship that has always been close. I think Conor would rather hang out with Paul than just about anyone.
I hope that never changes.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
I went to visit my parents last weekend and my great aunt was visiting. What an absolute sweetheart she is. The woman is a jewel.
Shes just so happy she makes you happy to be around her.
You guessed that she's probably wearing a wig huh?
She always has. I have no idea why but Im thinking she needs to get one that has a little grey in it...:-)
It doesn't matter though, it makes her happy and I just love her.
She's loosing her short term memory, but she says she's happy anyway. She may not remember everything that happened the day before, but she knows she had a nice time and thats all that matters. So cool.
It was so sweet to see is how my Mom loved seeing her. They've been friends forever and I think my Mom sort of thinks of her as a Mother figure. They held hands and joked back and forth all afternoon. Aren't they the sweetest?
My Uncle Herb passed away last year. Reana moved to an assisted living place. She's got her bags packed though and anyone who wants to take her on a trip, she's ready to go. God love her!
Thursday, October 13, 2005
they had to pull one and the dr. wants to keep him overnight to keep an eye on the bleeding so Im gonna miss my little guy tonight :-( Mochi is missing him too.
While I was home today I was a little productive. Made some bread and a big pot of stew.... nothing makes a house smell better than baking bread. Too bad this isn't a scratch and sniff monitor...oh yeah!!!!
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Im working on a christmas project, but am not going to share it here just in case...don't want to risk ruining the surprise. Not that anyone from my family (or anywhere else for that matter) reads this blog. Just don't want to jinx it.
Came across this cool stuff at Bath and body works
Molton Brown Warming Eucalyptus Bath & Shower Therapy- the discription says its bursting with pure Australian eucalyptus, this uniquely protective steam tonic eases aches, fatigue, and dry and tired skin. Add this to your bath or shower and let the therapy begin. Warms muscles Lifts the spirits, revives the senses Eases cold and flu symptoms
Sounds refreshing but who is Molton Brown anyway? I get the worst dry skin during the winter months so this would probably be good for that, but what is tired skin? Im sure mine must be tired, the rest of my body is so it makes sense that my skin is too... Let the healing and lifting of spirits begin!!!
They have an offer running now that if you spend $10. you get their new lip gloss free. I read on another blog (was it Heathers?) that it was good stuff so Im going to have to try it out. Im such a sucker for lip gloss anyway.
Have to take the dog to the vet tomorrow to have his few remaining teeth pulled. He's been on antibiotics so I think he's starting to feel better. Now to get those dang rotten teeth out of his mouth. Its all because of that cute little tongue hanging out of his mouth. Makes for bad teeth :-( I swear I've spent a small fortune on that dog...ah well. what can I do...Notha I love that face :-)
I had to start using the word verification function because Im getting tired of the spam comments on my blog. I hate that I have to do that. It stinks, but so be it...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
so much is going on, yet none of it is worth blogging about.
We'll except one, no two things.
I've always heard that when someone dies, the ugliness comes out in people who knew that person. Someone's always got to be ticked off about something that they feel they were horribly wronged over. I couldn't imagine that anyone would be ticked off when Justin passed away. Why would they? Oh contraire!!! Wouldn't you know it some one is pissed that they weren't named in the obituary. Seems they feel it was done on purpose to exclude them. Doesn't matter that only Justins wife, child Mom, Dad and siblings were named. This person feels that Uncles and grandparents should have been named and this was a direct slam on behalf of the family to exclude them personaly. What the heck is up with people anyway? BTW, this so called greiving relative couldn't be bothered to call Justin when he was so sick, attend the funeral, call to send condolences, or buy a freakin' hallmark card... It amazes me!
It amazes me so much that I've all but forgotten the second thing worth blogging about. Oh well
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Dar on 2peas posted a blog challenge...post your favorite things about fall...
I've been trying to do these challenges but never seem to have the time to get to them before the next one comes up... So what is it that I love so much about fall? My last several posts have been about this season so what else can I possibly add?
I guess what I haven't yet thought about is what makes it different than the other seasons.
I know that I am a warm weather person. I really love the beach and all things tropical. I love being warm and laying in the sun, Im kind of a lizard like that. I hate to be cold and wet.
So why then is not summer my favorite season?
I think its because everything about fall is cozy, homey and all about family. Its not cold and snowy and frozen yet, not that it gets frozen in Seattle, but it does rain and it goes get cold. I hate being cold! Fall in the northwest is beautiful. The days are still warm, the air is crisp and clean, and the nights are cool so you sleep soooooo goood! It lasts though Sept and October and sometimes into early November.
Its a time to clean up the yard because the summer flowers are all turning brown and dying and for planning where to put the bulbs in the ground for next spring.
I no longer have to worry if the cellulete is showing on the backs of my thighs when I wear shorts. Its a time to start building up the fat layer to get you through the winter :-)
Its about snuggling up with a good book thats been sitting on my nightstand all summer long because I've been too busy outside to actually sit and read anything.
Its about watching football on the weekend even though I haven't been a football fan for years. Every year I swear Im going to start watching it again.
I love to bake and make soup but during warm weather, its the furthest thing on my mind. Who wants to heat up the house! Summer is all about burgers on the grill and salads...nothing cozy here! (good too, but not in the same way)
Autumn colors are my favoite too. Summers all blues and greens...beach colors. Autumns are warm and cuddly.
So, I guess its the food, its about being with family, its about the cool nights and warm days, it the happiness of being at home and safe and taken care of.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
today I ran across this awesome sounding recipe for something called Autumn Butter. Ive never even heard of Autumn butter before but it sounds really yummy.
I think it would taste great on just about anything that goes with brown sugar and cinnamon. We love cooked winter squash for dinner. This would be great on squash, or on a bagel, or even on cornbread!
Easy Autumn ButterIngredients:
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1/4 cup whipping cream
1 cup softened butter
Beat the brown sugar, pumpkin-pie spice whipping into the softened butter. Keep refrigerated.
At the same time I found this apple butter recipe. Imagine how good this would make your house smell cooking in the crockpot on a dreary afternoon~
Crockpot Apple ButterIngredients:
8 cups applesauce
4 cups sugar
4 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons allspice
2 teaspoons nutmeg
2 teaspoons cloves
Stir all ingredients together well in a large bowl. Transfer to a crockpot and cook, UNCOVERED, on high for six to seven hours. It isn't necessary to stir it. Cool and place into containers. Keep refrigerated or may be frozen.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
I'm anxious to decorate for fall this year but before I can decorate, I have to clean. Nothing looks worse than decorations in a dirty or cluttered room. So Im cleaning....
Today I got the kitchen junk cabinet cleaned and organized...I had so many out of date medicines in there that just needed to be tossed out. I put my label maker to work on these rubbermaid containers...Pretty huh?
So things are looking pretty spiffy and today I happily started to decorate for fall. Some of my fall stuff looked kind of yucky so Paul and I went shopping and got this new wreath and door hanger from Target...
and this pretty doormat from Pier 1.
We also got some new fall candles from Target and Pier 1 and a pretty silk flower decoration for the entry hall.
I love love love fall. Its so homey and comfy. It makes me want to cook and snuggle up with a good book.
one more note for today ~ I changed the song on my blog to MercyMe I can only Imagine. This is the song we played at Justins funeral last Sunday. It makes me happy, yet sad.
Not sure how that can be, but its true.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
I prayed for him to let go. I told him it was okay to go, don't be afraid. He'd fought as long and as hard as any human could have.
We received two blessings with all the sadness of Justins passing.
1)Paul reunited with 3 of his 4 brothers. They have vowed to keep their new found relationship going. Their presence at the funeral was such a blessing to Paul and myself... I took this photo of them outside the funeral home the day after we buried Justin. They have formed a much stronger relationship through this than they have ever had before. I know that Paul now knows that he has brothers that love and care about him.
2) my own Son Nick reunited with the family and was there to say goodbye to his stepbrother.. My heart almost burst in hugging him at the airport for the first time in close to two years. We will move slowly to rebuild our relationship. I will not risk it again.
Now that we are home we feel so calm. The waiting and worry is passed. There is obviously a deep sadness but along with that is a feeling of comfort that Justin is at peace and we are surrounded with people that love us.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
I have two friends that week after week have not just been there for me, but have taken it to unknown notches during this difficult time.
Every time I want to crawl inside myself and just hide, they pull me back out, dust me off, give me a big hug and tell me its going to be okay. We laugh, we cry, we hold each other up. They've shown me what real friendship is. I had never experienced such kindness in my life. I've never known such devoted friendship.
Barb and Marilyn. These are two women that I work with. They know that on Sat Paul and I are flying to No. Carolina to see Justin, our son who is dying of cancer. I think they must feel as helpless as I do, wanting to do something to help.
Today when I came back from lunch, this huge bag of stuff was on my chair. They had gone to the store and bought stuff for our flight, apparently everything they could lay their hands on. Candy, snacks, gum, magazines, games, water, even a phone card for cryin' out loud!
They continue to amaze me day after day with their thoughfulness. It's not the stuff, its the thought behind it. I can never repay the kindness these two women have shown me. They are always there for me and I am so blessed to have them in my life.
I saw a card that said Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. These are the kind of friends they are.
Friends are like quilts... lives pieced together, stitched with smiles, colored with memories and bound with love. My friends. I love you guys
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Saturday, September 03, 2005
I'm really struggling with what I should be doing with myself. I feel like I should be doing something, yet there is nothing I can do. Last week the drs took away our last thread of hope when they said it was no use to continue Chemo on Justin. Although we knew the Cancer had won, we at least thought we could delay the inevitable a few months with treatment. Those hopes were dashed and it was a hard reality to accept.
Justin is my stepson, but I don't think any different of him than I do of my two children. Paul and I married when Justin was 4 years old. Not many people have memories at a younger age than 4 so Justin does not remember a time when I wasn't his step mom. Its all he's ever known.
Last night I tried to scrap. I really would like to get my feelings down right now, but all mojo has left. Scrapping is my therapy, my release of emotion. Good or bad, Im scrapping my feelings.
On another note Im so proud of my scraper friends for how they open their hearts to the Katrina victims. The gals in the Pub are collecting money for one of the victims.
Jill at Down Memory Lane is selling packets of scrap supplies and donating 60% to the victims-so cool. Check it out if you can help http://www.downmemorylaneco.com
She's put together some great packets.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
I've hesitated to post this post. By posting it, I know it would become real.
On Tuesday of this week the Drs discontinued Justins treatments and set him up with hospice. They said the damage to his immune system by continuing Chemo would probably do more harm than any good that the Chemo would do. We had planned to go to NC on Oct 3rd but Natalie said we needed to come sooner than that.
We now leave on Sat 9/10 to spend a week with him. One week. Seven Days. Two of those days will be spent traveling. That only leaves Five days to tell him everything I want to tell him. At this point Im having a really hard time even trying to think of what I want to tell him much less to open my mouth, face to face and tell him how much I love him, how proud I am of the man he grew up to be what a wonderful father he became.
I am numb. I really want to be strong and Im trying my best but I suck at it.
How Paul and I get up and go to work every morning, I don't know. It's so hard to continue a normal life although I know those daily routines are what gets me through each day. Otherwise I think I would prefer to just curl up in a little ball and stay there.
Luckily I work with some amazing people who seem to know when to grab me and take me away from my desk and go outside for a walk. By the time I get home Im a zombie. Paul looks as bad as I do.
I don't want to break down in front of him so I need find some strength.
Please do whatever you believe in. Prayer, meditation, good thoughts....
Monday, August 29, 2005
Since I pretty much suck at sticking to an exercise program I think Im going to start off small.
The first one will be a facial exercise. This is an area I particularly need the most help with...my neck/chin area (or lack thereof of it). As all you family members know, we're blessed by birthright to the lovely Davis droopy chin thingy. You know where you have no chin, when your neck seems to start at your bottom lip and be a straight line right down to your collar bone.
Its lovely... The older you get the saggier it gets...Before I book an appt with my local plastic surgeon I thought I'd try some exercises first.
So the first exercise I found is called The Chin Lifter - it's to tighten the chin muscles.
Tilt your chin up and put your lower lip over your top lip...(okay I feel the stretch). Now place your fingers flat just above your jawbone( not sure why). Smile. Hold for six beats, release, then repeat.
Im thinking this one will look particularly attractive when done in the car at the traffic lights. I'll let you know how that works for me. I think I'll do this while rockin' out to my new Kenny Chesney CD ;)
Rule Three of the color wheel:
Opposites Attract. Every color has a natural complement on the opposite side of the color wheel; that's why red and green look so good together. These are complementary color schemes. We all know that right? Warm colors have cool complements while cool colors have warm complements. Yep that's true.
What I just realized is this is my solution to my color scheme problem in my house.
As I wrote a few days ago Im trying to come up with a color scheme that flows throughout my house and looks continuous from room to room. My problem, or so I thought it was, is that I love warm colors downstairs in the living areas of the house, but I wanted cool colors upstairs in the bedrooms and my scraproom. How was this going to look like oncohesiveve color scheme?
The solution is found right there in rule number three.
All I need to do is have a complementary opposite color as an accent. So if I have a yellow or toupe room downstairs, all I need to do is have a blue or green accent color in the room. Then upstairs in my blue or green room, I just bring the toupe or yellow into that room - shazam! it flows :)
Im off to the Sherman Williams website for further studies...
Here's a link to the thread and my list-this was fun to think about. Thanks Tenika! :)
2peas Meme Challenge #9 http://www.twopeasinabucket.com/mb.asp?cmd=display&thread_id=1360810
10 Places I Want to Travel to:
2. The Isands of the Bahamas
5. Santa Fe, NM
6. The Greek Islands
8. The Grand Canyon
9. Washington DC
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Right now Im trying to find a paint scheme that works in a cohesive flow throughout the entire house. I don't want one room to clash with the next; I want them to flow from room to room. I want them to be different, yet I want them to blend and feel like they belong together, like a model home.
My problem is I cannot seem to settle on a warm or cool palette. I love blues and greens for the bedrooms but love the warm gold’s and yellows in the living areas. At one time the living room had 2 walls painted a terra cotta and two creamy off white walls. I liked it alot until we bought new furniture it clashed so I painted it a taupe color. I also had problems with it at Christmas. It was hard to find a red that did not clash with the terra cotta.
I need to repaint the guest bedroom but I want to decide on a scheme first that will flow through the upstairs. I know that I want to paint my scraproom a green. Right now the upstairs bath is khaki, white with red and black accents. I really like it but it doesn't go with the blue/green scheme. Does it matter?
The family room is RL burlap, the kitchen is white with a sponged wash of burlap over the top, and the living room is taupe…hey, where did my color go?
It’s a mess. I need to figure out a scheme and repaint each room, one at a time…
My husbands going to kill me………….he should be use to it by now.
On the other hand, I love my dishes, towels and sheets to be plain white. I love that fresh, clean look.
Friday, August 26, 2005
He's normaly a very calm dog but in the past year Paul and I have done quite a bit more traveling than we have in the past. We take the dogs to a kennel when we're gone. After we returned from our 10 day vacation in Maui, Mochi started stressing out when we'd leave him home alone. He's lick and chew at the door of the laundry room (his sleeping room) the entire time we were gone. By the time we'd come home, he'd be soaking wet from slobbering, it was horrible. So today I got him some Comfort Zone It's suppose to emit Dog appeasing pheromones to help him feel
happy. Apparently its pheromones from momma dogs put off and it calms dogs. I got the plug in model, but it comes in spray form too. Im soooooo hoping this works. My dog needs some bliss
***update- this thing works! It's amazing. Ever since the day I plugged it in he has been calm. I placed another order from Drs Foster and Smith (an online petstore) as its about half price of the one I bought at Petsmart. I also ordered the spray. Im going to spray his toy when I have to send him to the kennel for boarding.
I wish they made something like this for us humans. All I have is those AirWick room things. If they would make me happy and calm, I'd have them in every room of the house! Great idea
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
I don't really like birthdays. Im feeling very old and I don't want to be reminded of another year passing. Paul isn't one for planning surprises. He pretty much justs asks me what I want for my birthday. He feels bad about it, but he's just not a good planner. That's okay.
My family is expecting to come over to my house this weekend for a party and Im trying my best to put it off. Why? Because cleaning my house, cooking for everyone and cleaning up afterwords does NOT sound like a happy birthday to me party. Paul swears he'll do it all if I want a party. Yeah right. Like Im going to sit on the couch and watch him clean the house and make a pasta salad...thats not gonna happen.
I would much rather scrap all afternoon then have my wonderful hubby take me out to dinner. Thats my story and Im sticking to it :)
In honor of my birthday I wanted to post a picture of myself, but I couldn't find one...not one. I found a few of hubby and I but thats it. Im the main picture taker in the family and so Im always behind the camera...not in front of it.
So instead, Im posting a few pictures a photographer friend, Alex Tinsman, took of Paul and I last year at christmas. Shes does awesome work. So, for my birthday picture, it'll have to do.
Tomorrow Im making my resolution list for the next year. First thing on the list is that I'll be asking for more pictures of myself :)
Happy birthday to me
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Its another responsibility. One Im not sure I need at the moment although the reason I started one is because I wanted to journal more about my everyday life and have a place to get my feelings down.
But all of a sudden I feel like I need to write in it everyday or that I need to come up with all kinds of clever things to say...really deep stuff or really entertaining stuff.
Why is that? Its not like I have tons of readers that stop in here everyday for a peek into my life.
The reality is that life right now is kind of rotten. We've got some really sad stuff going on and its hard sometimes to deal with it. I wanted somewhere where I could go and blurt it all out if I wanted or be happy if I want.
But today I about killed myself working around the house. Paul wanted to help really bad, but he just cant right now. I also had committed to watching Ethan for a few hours so although he's just a sweetheart right now, I think I would have preferred to lay low and do nothing.
but I took a few pics of him...Love this one where he and Elliott are checking each other out. And look at him sitting up like a big boy! He falls over after a few seconds, and he's so chubby that he kind of leans forward and it cuts off the circulation in his legs, they start turning a little blue! yikes
Friday, August 19, 2005
I tried to remove it in my settings but it wont let me save it without the title in there...grrr.
But Im making progress :)
As I was trying to find a picture I wanted for my banner I took this one of my scraptable this morning. The thought came to my mind that this was a big mess, but its a happy one. So the name My happy mess felt more approprite for my blog title... It does look happy doesn't it?
now if I can get that black title off of there....
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Something so refreshing to a summer rain shower. Yesterday was dry, tomorrow is suppose to be hot, the yard is brown and the grass is crunchy no matter how much I water it. Its amazing to me that one rainy day will green up the grass faster than watering it every day during hot weather. So its a good thing. We live in the pacific northwest after all, its suppose to rain here :)
I took Thursday and Friday off of work this week so I may or may not be around. Hopefully Paul and I will be able to relax a little after the stressful news with Justin recently.
Im happily registered for the CK Convention Oct 28th and 29th! Barb and I are cutting out of work early on Friday and heading to Bellevue. I reserved a room at the Red Lion so we're going to shop, eat, crop and take classes! so cool to be hanging out with other scrappers and just having fun. Im so excited :)
Monday, August 15, 2005
I really like the show, The Cut. Im not sure why people haven't gotten into it. Im bummed I missed the show Friday night. Since it moved from Wed to Friday nights Im all confused.
I love the artistry that goes along with the competition each week. For once its not about anything other than talent and Tommy votes off the people he thinks didn't do a good job instead of the other contestants voting off the slacker. I think its a lot like the Apprentice.
Anyway, Shauna thought she was already a famous fashion designer. I think that was her problem. That and that she had no talent!
She walked around in her fur coat totally thinking she was slumming it. Most of the time she was sick and relied on her team mates to keep her in the competition. She should have been gone long ago. Bahbye Shauna
Sunday, August 14, 2005
“What do I do when there is so much to do?” It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately in the midst of the countless chores and only two days on the weekend to do them.
Mind you, these two days are suppose to be my days of rest, my days to kick back and relax after a 50+ hour work week. But chores have to be done and I never seem to get them done during the week so...
I read this somewhere and I don't remember where but its always stuck with me.
It’s simply this: Do the next thing. Rather than being overwhelmed by all there is to do, rather than sitting still in self-pity, or frantically trying to do three things at once— simply do the next thing. So, thats what I do, I just keep going like the energizer bunny.
Its 7:45 on Sunday night and I still have a few more loads of clothes to wash, and a tag to make for Donnas Blog Book http://donnadowney.typepad.com/simply_me/
Now that I have completed this post, I’m off to do the next thing—
Oh, and while your reading this...This is my picture from today just to enjoy :)
Friday, August 12, 2005
this little guy is the rock our entire family is currently holding on to. He is our famiy lifeline at the moment.
You see, his uncle Justin is very very sick. Everytime there is a glimmer of hope it seems to be quickly doused with cold hard truth.
This morning at 5 am was the 2nd worse call you ever want to receive about one of your children. Its the one were you're told to make sure his affairs are in order... where your told that we're not giving up hope, but reality is that you need to do, what you need to do to be ready for the 1st worst call you'd ever want to receive.
But Ethan represents hope to us all I think. Something about a baby that does something to your soul to make you believe you will get through it.
Right now Im not sure how we will, but I'm hanging on to this little guy as tight as I possibly can right now.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
I have a new CD that I cant stop listening to.
Kenny Chesney as you are...man why have I never bought this CD before? I play this thing over and over. Cant get enough.
Since I have to be home today with the plumber installing a stupid water heater I would like to get some things done around the house. So here's my to do list for today
1. figure out a way to have my MMM layouts uploaded and printed at Costco rather than use all my printer ink. check
2. work out. Today its walk away the pounds. check
3.Bake Paul a cake. I've been promising him that I would. Can I do it without water since thats shut off at the momemt. I think I can use bottled water. - check check
4. Once water heater is installed, go up to Costco and pick up poster sized pictures for my MMM entry. Yeah! check
5.Complete associated paperwork for MMM entry and prepare box to ship it off tomorrow! Yippeeee. I never thought I'd get it done in time. puff puff puff check
6. Get my kitchen floor mopped. I usually do this every Sat morning. This last Sat I blew off all housework and worked on my MMM entry instead. The floor needs some attention! nope, didnt get done..
Thats about it for today. I'll be happy to get this much done. Wish me luck :-)
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Three doctors, Four blood tests, Six hours spent at doctor appointments, Four weeks of excrusiating pain. What a relief.
One pill, taken last night after dinner. This morning Paul can move again. All his joint pain and swelling is gone. He had to run up and down the stairs this morning to prove to me that he was healed. I all but expected him to jump for joy and click his heals together in the air.
Its a Miracle of modern medicine...its going to be a good day
Dang, I forgot to get a picture of him...should have captured that happiness.
In other encouraging news I was able to complete the last of my MMM layouts last night.
Im really pleased with all five layouts. One is a required topic. MM requires one layout to be Joy and comfort. I adore this layout. Its one I've thought about doing for over a year but this is the boost I needed to take the pictures. Im so happy to have this one done. Problem was that you have to send in the original layout and I may not get it back, so I made an exact duplicate to keep. Got that one done this weekend too.
Now I just have to get the copies made and I can mail that sucker off.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
This has been a long week...
I haven't had much internet time this week. :( but, Im really happy that tomorrow is Friday and Paul has one of his Dr appts. That will be good to get out of the way. Monday he has another one that we hope we'll find out what the heck is going on with his joints. Its rare that Im looking forward to a Monday, but I am looking forward to this Monday. :) Got to be optomistic so Im putting this pretty little flower here to make me happy :)
Im hoping to get some scrapping done this weekend. That will make me happy! Its been ages since I've been in my scraproom. I've got a few pages done that I need to submitt and another one Im working on for my Memory Makers Masters entry. The deadline for this is coming up way faster than I thought it would...yikes. I may not make it in time.
Oh well, there's o much going on right now I am not going to stress about it. If I get it done, I'll enter. If I don't then I won't.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
I am sad and I am worried. Why does Justin now have a tumor on his spine when we’ve had such good news with the chemotherapy shrinking his other tumors. Why can’t we ever have some positive news with his progress without it being quickly followed by some kind of disappointing setback. Why does he live 3000 miles away.
Why is work so crazy this week when I just want to coast through the day.
Why wont Nick talk to me still after all this time. Why did this rift happen between us. Why doesn’t he know that I would never hurt his feelings on purpose. Why cant he forgive me this one mistake over a year and a half ago. Why does this argument wash out all the good things that ever happened. Why cant I quit worrying about it and be mad at him instead.
Is there some lesson to be learned from it all. i want it all to mean something. what am i supposed to learn from it?
I’m usually the queen of optimism. I always see the glass half full. I really am a happy, go with the flow, its all for a reason and it will always work out for the best kind of person. I love my family. I have an amazing husband. I have a great job. I have awesome friends. I have a nice house. I have lots of interests and hobbies that fulfill me.
I usually don’t allow myself to wallow in all this sadness and worry…well, maybe the worry part. I worry a little. Okay, a lot. I am a worrier to the core. I worry about everything.
I feel everything way too deeply. I’ve always been emotional. I admit that I am a crybaby.
I’m pretty good about not allowing anyone else to see that I’m worried, covering it up, letting it pass, blocking it out, getting over it at least for a few days here and there. Mostly I’m just quiet when Im worried. I hide out inside myself. But this is all getting to be too much; it’s getting out of hand and its BIG stuff. It’s hard to let it not wash over me and gobble me up. That usually happens when I’m trying to fall asleep at night and my mind wont shut it off and there’s nothing to distract me from it.
Most of the time I deal with it though my scrapbooking. It’s the one thing that I can do that makes me feel like I’m releasing the pressure. If I do a page on Paul that says how much I adore him and what a great husband he is, will it make him feel better when he sees it. Maybe.
If I document Nicks favorite teddy bear when he was in kindergarten, will he know that I was a good Mom and know how much I love him. No.
If I scrapbook about some of the funny things Justin use to say when he was growing up and what a good husband and father I think he turned out to be will it make him not have cancer? No.
But it makes me feel better that I’ve documented something for my family. I’ve put down my feelings in my journaling. I’ve told them that I love them. I photographed the pieces of our lives and saved it for another day. Sometimes its all I can do and Im so thankful for this hobby.
Sorry for such a downer post. I promise to return to happy posts soon.
I just had to get this off my chest. :)
Friday, July 29, 2005
Do you know people that over use a word or phrase? I work with someone who says 'like' in almost every sentence. I think I use to use like alot too but I realized it and broke myslef of it (I hope). But today I was thinking about it and wondering if I use a word or phrase too often and don't realize it.
I know I use the word exactly all the time. I find myself saying Exactly! whenever I agree with something someone has said. I need to be careful I don't start using it too often.
Like like? Exactly! :)
Today my picture is of the lavendar festival we went to a few weekends back. It was a few hour drive but well worth it once we arrived. The smell was heavenly but the bumble bees were everywhere. Since Paul has an allergy to bee stings we were slightly on edge as we were winding our way through the fields.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Jessica is gone.......
Not surprising really, since she's never added much to the show other than being Miss Minnesota. I was so hoping that Deanna would get the boot last night. Could she be any more sure of herself??? and whats up with Shauna and her two faced little conversation with Elizabeth when they were both home sick?
If you havent watched this show, you should. I love the format and the challenges each week are really cool.
Im not sure who Im rooting for now that James is gone...I like the underdog usually and I think Elizabeth has gotten a bum rap so maybe her.
On another note, Im on a mission to find some Jelly Bath http://jellybath.com/ Im not sure how the whole bath thing would feel so Im going to start slow with the foot soak. I love their website though. It makes me smile :)
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
1. that being at home doing nothing is better than being away from home doing just about anything.
2. that my scraproom is one of my most favorite rooms in the house
3. I love getting e-mails from my friends. they make me a happy girl. :)
4. holding Ethan on Sunday afternoons is one of the best parts of the weekend.
5. August is coming way too quickly, and August means my birthday. Im bracing myself.
6.I'm addicted to blogging and scrapbooking message boards.
7. I need to drink more water and get off my butt and start exercising or my butt is not going to fit in those $80.00 jeans I just bought.
8. packages from Down Memory Lane make me very happy.
9.Im in love with our new car!
10.I want my husband to feel better :-(
Monday, July 25, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
Today was my bosses last day at work. She was one of the best bosses I have ever had and Im going to miss her... alot. We went through some tough times together in the past 5 years. Now she's going to go do more great things and Im so happy for her but Im sad she's leaving. She'll be able to work from home 2 days a week and thats very important to her at this time in her life.
After work we all went over to her house and BBQ'd some hot dogs and just hung out. We've decided to make this an annual event so that we don't loose touch. This is the view from her back deck...........pretty amazing view huh? Im not sure how she's going to work at home while watching the ships pass.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
I won't be sharing my deepest thoughts, wishes and dreams, but I think this will be a good place for me to share some random ramblings and things that I feel are interesting tidbits of information. So please read on if you would like, otherwise go ahead and skip it. I promise I won't hunt you down and ask you why you don't like me :)
Last night Paul and I did a little more research on the new car we're searching for. We're trying to narrow down the choices so this weekend we can go out and test drive the ones we feel best suit our needs. Im hoping we can walk in, tell the guy which cars we want to drive, ask him what kind of deals/incentives they're offering and what they'll give us for our trade in without too much of a struggle. Then on to the next dealer. Im hoping that this will not be an all day struggle. I hate car dealers. Its such a frustrating experience.
Well, enough about that. I need to figure out how to set up this blog with some more fun stuff like pictures and links and stuff. Otherwise nobodys going to want to visit with me...
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
I'm sure cobwebs will grow around here and I'll be yelling H*E*L*L*O! and listening for the echo. I'm going to give it a try anyway.
This will be a little look into my life and my loved ones. A place for people to catch up with what I'm doing if they would like to. I hope you enjoy, stop by often and feel free to comment at any time :)